D for DONE!

Hello, lovely reader!!! I must apologize for my long absence. Silly me thought that, after the two weeks of hell were over, classes and summer would calm down enough for me to blog again. I was sadly mistaken. The English class I took was a doozy. I mentioned in my last post, that the English instructor was bat shit crazy, and it just got worse.

The problem basically boiled down to the fact that she was a terrible planner. She’d assign 120-200 pages of reading on Tuesday with a Thursday deadline, and she’d give a quiz on the reading on Thursday. On top of that, we’d have a 3-5 page draft of a paper due the same day. Of course, instead of handing out the explanations of what was required for the paper in time for us to maybe get a jumpstart on it, she’d hand it out Tuesday. Then, each paper had to include quotes and other citations from 2-4 research sources. That meant assigned reading, research for the paper, and writing of the first draft all had to be done within a day. Because I work full time, that wasn’t entirely manageable.

Of course it goes without saying that I am eternally grateful that English class—and all summer classes for that matter—are done. Over. Complete. Finished! I spent this weekend just relaxing and plotting how I’d spend my two week break with no homework to work on or worry about and no deadlines looming. I have been so used to always having something that I absolutely must get done, and working hard to make sure I’m staying on track and on schedule, that it actually felt kind of uncomfortable to just sit for a moment and do nothing except space out in front of the TV or knit a little bit. I didn't really know what to do with myself!!

Yesterday I got an email from my instructor for the math course that starts August 23. (A.K.A MusicMan’s and my two year wedding anniversary! Happy Anniversary to us. We're planning on celebrating the weekend before.) Now it's goodbye two week break. Within the next two weeks, I have to log into a couple different online systems to read the class syllabus, get the schedule of classes and assignments, and try out the online systems. I have to read Chapter 1, watch a video lecture or two, and dabble with an online homework assignment before class starts on Monday, August 23. Nice.

*PITY PARTY ALERT* You know; just once it would be nice for instructors to consider that maybe—just maybe—some of us didn’t take the summer off. Maybe some of us took classes all summer, which means we’ve worked hard to earn a piddly two week break that she’s now ruined. Dammit! *END PITY PARTY* I know that the world doesn’t, and unfortunately never will, revolve around me, but I’m so bummed. Really, really, really bummed.

I’m going to try not to let it get me down. I’m going to just do what I can, but not push myself too hard. This isn’t a college level math course. It’s an algebra refresher, which I have to take before being able to take any college level math courses. Unfortunately, when I took the college entrance exams, it had been way too long since I’d used Algebra, so I’d forgotten most of it. I’m hoping that Algebra is like riding a bike; once I get started again, I’ll remember it and just fly right through.

I’ve earned this two week break, and I’m going to make sure I get some leisure time in. I have some fun stuff planned already. I will be missing the third day of math class to go see Lady Gaga!!! MusicMan and I are planning on taking a day off of work at the end of August to go enjoy the Great Minnesota Get Together, or the Minnesota State Fair. Oh! And, I’ll be missing a week of class in the middle of September, because—get this—work is sending me to Lake Tahoe for a software conference!

Lake Tahoe!!! I am so super excited. I’ve never been, but I’ve heard great things. To make this even better, MusicMan is going to tag along with me! We’re flying in on a Sunday and leaving Wednesday evening. Unfortunately, there are no direct flights from Minnesota to Reno, so we’ll have to deal with layovers and connecting flights and about a one hour shuttle from Reno to the hotel in Tahoe. The first day of the conference only has one late afternoon session on the agenda, which is only a few hours long, so we’ll get to enjoy Tahoe together on Monday. Then, we’ll spend a little time Tuesday evening after the conference exploring Tahoe a bit, and MusicMan can go out and enjoy it a little more Wednesday while I’m at the conference. It will be nice little getaway for both of us—more so for MusicMan, since he’ll have no other obligations, but I should be able to work in some downtime too while we’re there.

I’m catching up on all of your blogs, lovely readers, but I haven’t left a lot of comments lately. My brain has been entirely too fried to leave coherent thoughts. I’m hoping to get back into the swing of blogging, reading, and commenting this week, and I’m so looking forward to catching up with all of you!!

How have you been?
How is your summer going?

B for Burnt Out!!!

The subject line above sums up my feelings pretty accurately. It has been a challenging, crazy, hectic, pretty much ridiculous two weeks, but I’ve somehow survived it. My last post illustrated how the past two weeks were supposed to go, but here’s what actually happened:

Monday, July 5: Speech project was about three quarters finished. I had compiled research and began to put it into a crude outline. I started to wonder if I should just take the incomplete grade, and not bother showing up on the 14th. I somehow managed not to cry over how frustrated I was.

Tuesday, July 6: I spent much of the day at work compiling my Sociology group’s data together into a script for our fake talk show. This should’ve been done by now, but the group members chose to enjoy their holiday weekends instead of actually sending me their research. I cursed them (and imagined some not so nice things happening to them) while also trying to commit enough of my Sociology notes to memory to somehow pass the final.

English class started. I heard the words “group work” and nearly walked out of the class. Found out during break that group work is all done during class, and calmed down. First assignment: read 60 pages of book before Thursday. Doesn’t seem like it will be such a bad class—two small essays and a larger final writing project seems quite manageable!

Wednesday, July 7: Spent some time at work studying Sociology notes. Hoped fate would miraculously intervene and the final would be cancelled. Fate screwed me. Took Sociology final. Realized my brain retains a lot more info than I give it credit for. Felt as though I did pretty well on final. Ran through talk show with group members a few times. Went home and did a little reading for English assignment.

Thursday, July 8: Finished reading assignment for English class during lunchtime at work. Attended second session of English class. Starting to second-guess this class. Seems like a lot of reading for what is supposed to be a writing class. Assignment: read 44 pages of book.

Friday, July 9: Took the day off of work to get a haircut, in the hopes of looking halfway decent for cousin’s wedding, and to work on speech. End up napping on and off most of the day. (Was obviously exhausted.) Get haircut. Do a little shopping to try to find something to wear to wedding tomorrow. Work on speech outline and finish up competence narrative. Freak out that speech won’t be long enough. Do crude read through aloud to figure out that I do, in fact, have enough data. Proceed with writing speech outline.

Saturday, July 10: Realize that there are some Lifetime Fitness class assignments due Sunday. Oops! Good thing I noticed on time! Attend cousin’s wedding. Wish I would’ve just stayed home, because though it was good to see siblings, niece, and dad, my time would’ve been more valuable spent working on speech. Get home relatively early in the evening and work on Lifetime Fitness assignments. Once again contemplate taking incomplete grade on speech. Try hard not to cry.

Sunday, July 11: Monster headache. Upload completed Lifetime Fitness assignments. Realize how far behind I am on reading for Lifetime Fitness and am thankful it’s an online class. Finish up reading for English class. Practice speech, and make note of how much work it still needs. PANIC! Before bed, I tell MusicMan it just might be best if I don’t go to the Public Speaking Competence. Worse case, I’ll lose the money, but that’s gonna happen anyway when I go and fail it. He stays silent. He knows the stress has hit, and that it’s claws are pierced deeply through my skin.

Monday, July 12: Go to work and tell boss I’m taking tomorrow off for appointments. I’ve really gotta finalize my speech outline and practice, practice, practice. Realize I have no idea where to go to give speech on Wednesday. Call school to get info. Go to final Sociology class. Find out I got an A on the Sociology final. Not really sure how I pulled it off, but excited and pleased that I did. Group presentation goes surprisingly well. I laugh when many classmates tell me I should be a talk show hostess in real life, because I did such an amazing job. Ego boosts makes me start to think that maybe, just maybe, I can do this speech on Wednesday.

Tuesday, July 13: Finish speech outline. Practice. Speech is too long! Cut some stuff out of outline and practice again. Dogs listen attentively. Speech is about 11 minutes, which is pretty much perfect considering guidelines state 10-12 minutes. Transfer important notes to note cards. Realize I need bigger note cards. Shower, run to drug store, buy 4x6 note cards to replace too small 3x5 note cards. Transfer important notes to new, bigger note cards. Practice speech again. Realize I need to change some things on the note cards. Write new cards once again. For the first time, start to feel like I just might have a chance at passing Public Speaking Competence.

Eat a very very quick dinner with MusicMan and go to English class. Starting to hate English class. The class is called “Research Writing in the Disciplines,” hinting that it’s a writing class, however we seem to spend a large amount of time analyzing what we’ve read (in small groups of course) and pulling quotes from the book. To me, this is a waste of time, and I do not have time to waste. Assignment: read 117 pages from book and write 2-4 page draft of first essay…BEFORE THURSDAY! Truly hate English class and instructor now. Realize instructor is obviously bat shit crazy. Try not to cry, scream, or lose my shit, which is hard to do when exhaustion set in long ago.

Go home and practice speech. MusicMan listens attentively and is very encouraging about how great speech is. End at 11 minutes 56 seconds—just under the wire. Go to bed too exhausted to care. Stress is at an all time high. Decide—worst case—I’ll fail the competence tomorrow, losing money I would lose anyway if I don’t show, and I’ll have to pay and find time to take the class. There is no way I’ll have the fortitude to attempt the competency again if I fail, making the only option squeezing the actual class into my already packed schedule of classes I have left to take to complete my associate’s degree.

Wednesday, July 14: Read through lunch. Get less than half of English reading assignment done. Contemplate just skipping the rest, and remember there are quizzes on the reading. Ponder how I’ll finish it on time and wish horrible illness upon instructor. Experience odd sensation of driving home after work rather than directly to school. Have dinner with MusicMan. Drive to campus to give speech. Think about how sick I am of being on campus. Listen to a few dismal speeches, and start to think mine might not be so bad. Go up to give speech…

Nerves set in, even though audience contains only seven people (including instructor). Start speech. Totally skip over thesis statement. SHIT! Panic when I realize this, but keep going. Feel like I’m flying through it—almost can’t catch my breath. Finish speech. 14 minutes!!! OMG—How did that happen?! Think, “Well, better to be over then under.” Nothing I can do about it now. It’s done. Almost cry when I actually realize that it is, in fact, done. Pray that I passed it. Listen to final two speeches. Hear instructor say, “You all passed this part of THE competency…full results will be sent to you in 4-6 weeks.”

Think: “WOOOOOOOHOOOOO!”

Then: “What the hell?!?! WHY did I work so hard, and stress so much, over this when, apparently, one just needed to show up and speak to pass?!?” Seriously! There were people who just stood up and read their outlines, with no visual aids in site. There was one woman whose speech I couldn’t explain to you if I tried, because I could not for the life of me understand what her subject was or what the fuck she was talking about. Apparently I was the only one who read all of the guidelines and tried my hardest to meet them all.

Drive home relieved that it’s over, but pissed off that I worked so hard when it was quite obvious that the six other people there didn’t. Also realize that I took 10 credits this summer, which is just 2 credits short of full time student status. Wonder what in the hell I was thinking.

Arrive home. MusicMan consoles me with, “At least it’s over. Your hard work will pay off in the form of a higher letter grade equivalent than what the others will get.” Think about how lucky I am to have such a great husband. Go to bed completely spent, but with a profound sense of relief that the speech is finally over.

Thursday, July 15: Finish English reading during lunchtime at work. Curse instructor once again. Tell boss I’ll need to use an hour of the afternoon writing a paper for class and that I’ll make it up by working through lunch on Friday. He gives the okay. (What else can he do, really? The alternative was that I was going to leave work early to go home and work on the paper.) Pound out a ridiculously bad draft. Head to class.

Nearly leave class an hour in, because I’m so frustrated over how much time we’re wasting once again analyzing the book and pulling quotes instead of actually reviewing each other’s papers and getting info on how instructor will grade papers. Commiserate with classmates during break—glad to find out I’m not the only one who thinks this class is getting ridiculous and instructor is bat shit crazy with a capital C. Head home from class 15 minutes late, because instructor only gave us 4 minutes to review each other’s papers, so many of us stayed late to get it done. Curse instructor and class. Realize there are only three weeks (6 classes) left, and that if I’ve made it through the past two weeks, I can make it through this.

Arrive home. Have hard time settling down, because I’m so worked up. Feel as though I should be doing something, because I’m so used to being in constant motion at this point. Go to bed thoroughly exhausted, wishing it was Friday.

So, that’s it, lovely reader! I somehow made it through. I’m not thrilled about having to take two days off of work to do it, but there was no way I would’ve gotten everything done if I hadn’t. I never could’ve anticipated, at the time I registered for classes, just how overwhelming these two weeks would’ve been. I hope to never have to deal with similar circumstances ever again. I still can’t believe it’s over, and I survived relatively unscathed. It's going to take me a while to de-stress though...I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something or that there's something I really should be working on. It's amazing how much of a weight that speech was on my shoulders.

This weekend, I have to catch up on reading three chapters of the Lifetime Fitness textbook to prepare for the exam next week. Thankfully, the class ends Thursday. (I'm hoping the instructor opens the exam sometime before Thursday, or I'll have to take it during lunch at work or after I get home from English class.) Then, of course, I have 119 pages to read for English class. Finally, I have to write the final copy of my first essay, which is due Tuesday.

I have missed you, lovely reader. I’m so glad to be back! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you sooooooooo much for the fabulous comments you’ve left and emails you’ve sent giving me support and letting me know you’ve been thinking of me. You all really helped me to get through these past couple weeks, and for that I am endlessly thankful. You all are seriously the best!!! I am working on catching up on your blogs and responding to your emails. I will eventually get through it all. Thanks again, lovely readers, for being so freakin' fantastic! I pink puffy heart looooove each and every one of you!

L for Let the Crazy Begin!

First things first, lovely reader. I earned an A on my Sociology midterm!!! I am super duper proud of myself. As you know, I wasn’t sure I did all that well on it (partially because it was my first experience with blue book exams). Remember how I was concerned that the instructor would think I was bullshitting her? Well, apparently she didn’t see it that way at all. In fact, in some of the areas I thought I bullshitted the most, she wrote things like “Exactly!” “Yes! Yes! Yes!” “Absolutely!” and “Perfect!” This means I’m getting an A in the class, so hopefully I have a little leeway for the group project, which I don’t think is gonna be great (or even good). Then again, I have been accused of being a pessimist, so I could be totally wrong.

This weekend marks the beginning of the two busiest weeks of my summer. While I would like to be able to say that I’ll spend the long holiday weekend resting and relaxing in order to prepare myself for the hectic schedule ahead, that’s simply not true. I will be spending the weekend finishing the work for the Public Speaking Competency; the writing of the speech in particular. I’m down to the wire now. I’ve put myself in this situation in which I now simply have to force myself to get it done. As long as I pass this competency, I’ll be happy at this point. I just want it done.

Here’s what the next two weeks looks like:

Monday, July 5: The speech project will be done or nearly done. (Hopefully time for a little rest and relaxation?)

Tuesday, July 6: English class starts. This writing intensive course marks the beginning of five weeks of large, time consuming writing assignments.

Wednesday, July 7: Sociology final. (Hopefully I'll do as well as I did on the midterm!) I'm hoping my group will gather after the exam to practice our presentation. There are some group members who seem to think we should meet an hour before class while others of us would prefer to spend that time studying for the final. We’ll see how it plays out.

Thursday, July 8: English class. Cross fingers, wish, hope, and pray that there’s no assignment for at least another week.

Friday, July 9: Catch up on Lifetime Fitness reading and homework. Work on inevitable English homework.

Saturday, July 10: Tie up any loose ends that remain for the Public Speaking Competency. Work on first writing assignment for English. (I just know the first one will have been assigned by now.) Attend cousin’s wedding from late afternoon on, calling it an early night in order to get home and back to working on homework.

Sunday, July 11: Practicing speech. (I hope.) Work on English assignment. Practice for Sociology group presentation.

Monday, July 12: Last day of Sociology class! Group presentation.

Tuesday, July 13: English Class.

Wednesday, July 14: SPEECH!

Thursday, July 15: English Class.

Friday, July 16: Catch up on Lifetime Fitness reading and homework. Begin new English assignment. Celebrate that the two weeks of complete and utter craziness are over. Begin worrying about results of Public Speaking Competency. Work to reconnect with MusicMan, because I will not have seen or spent hardly any quality time with him the whole week.

It’s times like these when I really start questioning what I’ve done. What have I gotten myself into? Do I really have what it takes to do this for three more years?! Then, of course, I remind myself that this will all be worth it in the end. Then, I wonder if social work is really the right path for me; it’s hard work with not much monetary payoff, there’s a quick burnout rate, and sometimes I think I hate people too much to want to try to help them. Then, I spend about a millisecond thinking about quitting it all and taking my life back. Then, I remind myself that this will all be worth it in the end.

It hasn’t even started yet, but I’m already exhausted!! I’ll get through it. Somehow...someway...I will get through it.

Hopefully with most of my sanity still intact!

I’m working on a couple posts that I’m going to try to complete and schedule for the time that I’m away. At the very least, there should be Wayback Wednesday posts both weeks. I’m also working on passing along some blog awards that a couple of my wonderful readers have passed along to me.

For my American readers, I hope you have a wonderful (and safe) holiday weekend!! (Of course, I hope my non-American readers also have a fantastic weekend!)

I for I did it!!

I am proud and relieved to tell you, dear reader, that I finished the Interpersonal Communications Competency! I missed out on Thanksgiving with both my family and my in-laws (which, just between you and me, wasn’t really much of a sacrifice; sure I missed some of the good food and desserts, but I didn’t miss the noise or drama or fake niceties.), and stayed up ‘til 3 a.m. this past Friday, but I finished the damn paper. I think I did a pretty good job on it too. I had been worried that this assignment was going to ruin “When Harry Met Sally” for me, but it didn’t. I’m always happy to have an opportunity to watch one of my all time favorite movies, and because I know the movie so well (and love it so much), watching it made the assignment seem like less work. Saturday was the actual competency, so I had to go to a group discussion and turn in the paper.

I had gotten an email a little over a week ago reminding me that I was scheduled to complete the competency at 1:30 p.m. on Saturday, December 5. I just about had a heart attack Saturday morning when I double checked the competency schedule that was mailed to me at the beginning of the semester and saw that Interpersonal Communications was scheduled from 9-10 a.m. It was 9:30 a.m. when I looked at the schedule, so if it was correct, I had missed the competency. I nearly cried. Had I dreamt about that email? Was the email wrong? Panic Attack: OhmygodwhatamIgonnadonow?!?!?!??! I double checked me email, which did indeed say 1:30, and decided I’d show up at that time and hope for the best. Thankfully, the evaluator and a small group of students were there when I arrived at about 1:15. Apparently over thirty people had signed up for the competency, and the evaluator didn’t think a good group discussion could happen in only an hour with over thirty people, so they broke the students into three separate groups; I was lucky enough to get the afternoon timeslot.

The competency evaluator was great, and I thought the discussion was actually kind of fun. It was interesting to hear how other people approached the movie and what concepts of interpersonal communications they found. The one hour discussion flew by! The evaluator had told us at the beginning that we’d know after the discussion whether or not we passed the first part of the competency, and we found out that everyone passed. I’m glad to know that I’m good for 40% of the competency, but I was never worried about the discussion; I knew I’d pass that part.

I’m worried about the paper, which is 60% of the grade; it will take 4-6 weeks for me to find out how I did on that, which kinda sucks. The grade won’t affect my GPA at all, because competencies are graded on a Pass/Fail basis. However, a letter grade equivalent is given on the final evaluation form, and that’s the grade that Big College that I plan on transferring to for my bachelor’s degree will look at. I need a C or better, and just in case you haven’t quite figured me out yet, I’m shooting for an A. Grades are due by December 22, so I’ll know by then whether or not I passed. Then, I’ll just be left to agonize over how well I did on the paper until I get it back.

I’m soooooooooooooooo glad this competency is finished!!! It was my first one, so it was quite nerve wracking, because there's really not a lot of guidance as to what’s expected of you. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted, and I’m thankful that I only have three competencies left in my degree plan. I should take the public speaking one next semester, but I’m not going to finalize that decision until I get the results of this competency.

In other news: English class is almost over. Next week is the last class, and then I’ll have a three week break, which I’m wicked excited about. It’s not that I have any grand plans or anything; it’s just that it will be nice not to have to worry about homework for a while. If I want to be completely and totally lazy on a weekend, I’ll be able to. I can't wait!!!!

In class this past Tuesday, we did peer-review of the drafts of our last papers. Once again, I was assigned to a group that gave me little to no feedback while I gave them pages worth. I’m a little pissed that, just because I write a good paper, I don’t seem to deserve feedback. The instructor openly admitted to me that the reason I was paired with the individuals that I was paired with is that I have lots of great knowledge to share and help to provide. Well whoop-dee-frickin’-do!!!

Though I do have to say that the way the instructor’s admission came about was entertaining. We had been discussing logical fallacies in class, because this last paper is an argument paper. Logical fallacies should be avoided if you want your argument to be taken seriously, and include things like: Hasty Generalizations (i.e. all men can’t cook), Ad hominem (attack on a person rather than their opinion; i.e. Green Peace isn’t effective because they are all dirty, lazy hippies), False Authority (i.e. I’m not a doctor; I just play one on TV. This headache drug is the best!), Exaggerated Appeal to Emotions (i.e. This poor starving child will die if you don’t support this tax increase.), and others. [Side Note: You are most welcome for this incredibly useful and valuable lesson on logical fallacies. Go forth and use it wisely! Or, you know, don't, because you have no use for it; just like the other, oh, about 90% of the population.]

I was sitting at a table with two of my friends, Cam and Mel, and we wanted to be a peer-review group. I was interested in reading Cam’s paper about stem cell research and Mel’s paper about early childhood education. Mel had also been in my first peer-review group and had given me good feedback on my first paper, so I was looking forward to getting feedback from her again. After a class exercise on identifying logical fallacies, the instructor announced groups; she could see that we were visibly upset that the three of us were not paired together. She said something like, “Oh, I’m sorry! Were you really looking forward to working together?” I said, “I was just really interested in their papers and was excited to read them.”

She started trying to explain her reasoning for groups, and I jokingly said, “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’ll just cry about it later.” The class busted out with, “LOGICAL FALLACY! Exaggerated Appeal to Emotions!” and everyone started laughing. The instructor hung her head and said, “I know!!! See how well it works?!?! I’m sorry, Frazzled, it’s just that you have so much knowledge and wisdom to share with others who need a little help.” I told her that I understood as I begrudgingly got up to join my assigned group. (Perhaps you didn’t find this little story as entertaining as I did; I guess you just had to be there. I’m sorry if I just wasted a couple minutes of your life.)

In a way, it made me feel good that she was announcing to the whole class that I was that good. On the other hand, I was upset because I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to get any decent feedback, because I hadn’t gotten any decent feedback in the last peer-review, which was also assigned groups. I will honestly admit that the draft I brought to class yesterday was a piece of crap—really, total garbage—partially because I was busy finishing up the competency rather than working on the first draft of my argument paper, and partially because I hate writing arguments. I was really looking forward to some kind of feedback on this paper, because I didn’t feel as though my argument was strong, and I felt like my paper went in too many directions. I thought it turned out like more of an educational piece than an argument paper.

This is the feedback I got: The girl reviewer wrote that my argument was “domestic violence.” HOW exactly is that an argument?!?! Domestic violence was the subject, yes, but my argument was: society needs to quit blaming victims of domestic violence by asking rhetorical questions such as, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” because leaving a domestic violence situation isn’t that simplistic; instead of perpetuating the stigma and shame of domestic violence by blaming victims, we need to educate the public on resources available to help victims of violence. She thought that my argument was good and that my conclusion was strong, but she said that I needed to focus more on addressing the con (or counter argument) of the issue. I didn't disagree with that last bit of feedback, but when I asked what she thought the con was, she didn’t know. Well, that’s really helpful, isn't it?!? The guy reviewer handed my paper back to me after he’d gotten halfway through and said, “I think I need to start reading more to develop my vocabulary. I don’t understand a lot of what you’re saying.” I was speechless. I mean, really, just how am I supposed to respond to that?!?

I’m so thankful that this is my last paper and that next week is my last class. I’ll have another one or two English classes in semesters to come, but I’m going to space them out, because they are brutal. In fact, I think I might try to find a class to replace creative writing, which is currently in my degree plan. The only thing is, I don’t think there’s another class that will meet the state transfer curriculum goals that I can replace it with. It’s hard to explain, but suffice it to say I may be stuck taking creative writing, which means I have that writing intensive class and another writing intensive English class left in my degree plan. Wonderful!!!

Hopefully, by the time I have to take the next English class, I’ll have forgotten the pain of this one. I’ve never had children, but I’ve heard the phenomenon of childbirth; wherein a woman soon forgets the pain she went through to deliver a baby, and thus is able to repeat the process (if she so desires) more than once. It must be true, because I doubt that so many women would have more than one child if they were still perfectly capable of remembering the pain of labor from the first one. If you truly remember that kind of pain and still want to repeat it, there has to be something wrong with you, and you definitely shouldn’t be having more babies. Instead, you should probably be locked up in a mental ward or science lab somewhere, because it’s just not normal to openly welcome and accept excruciating pain.

I will return soon, dear reader, to regale you with stories from my last English class. Until then, is there anything you want to know about the adult student experience? Is there anything in particular that you want to know about me? Don’t be shy! Leave any questions in the comments, and I will address them in an upcoming blog.

B for Bitter

NOTE:  I started writing this blog on Monday, November 16. I was then struck down with a wicked bad sinus infection, which delayed the completion of the blog. I mention this, dear reader, as a frame of reference; you were actually meant to read this at around the beginning of this past week.

Remember how I told you all about how I worked my ass off on discussion leading a couple of weeks ago and how blissfully happy I was that my efforts were rewarded with an A? Well, that A is now tainted. Why? Because all discussion leaders from last week got A’s as well. Yes, even the one who “ummmed” and “ahhhhhed” her way through and gave incorrect information. I am livid. If I would’ve known that it was that easy to get an A for the assignment, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time and energy working on it, and I most certainly wouldn’t have paid $22 to get color copies of handouts made for the class. It’s seriously ridiculous. Especially when the instruction sheet says, “Better Than the Average Bear: If you want an exceptional grade (B+ or better), you need to go the extra mile and help your classmates understand the multiple perspectives of your topic. Be creative with the visual aids you provide. Handouts and overheads can also be useful in discussion leading.” At least two of the groups from last week did not meet these criteria, and yet, they still got an exceptional grade. Go figure.

I’ve lost quite a bit of respect for this instructor and do not feel as though I can take her seriously anymore. I am still going to do what I need to in the hopes that I’ll earn an A in the class, but I’m jaded, and I’m frustrated, and I’m pissed. It just really sucks that, once again, the overachiever gets the shaft while the people who never give more than 100% (if that) glide by. 

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse…I found out in class on Tuesday (November 17) that one can get a C or D on all three big essays and still get an A for the class. W.T.F?!?!?!  I just don’t get this instructor. I don’t understand the point of making us bother with big essays if they end up not meaning much in the end, and I most certainly don’t understand why you would reveal to the class that essays can be subpar and the student can still pull a good grade in the class. I almost want to slack off for the last big essay, because I think it’s ridiculous that we’re required to use six sources for a 3-4 page paper and only one of those sources can be the internet; two of the sources have to be from some type of scholarly journal. If I’m citing six sources in one 3-4 page paper, the majority of the paper isn’t going to be in my own words anyway—it’s gonna be quotes and paraphrases from the six sources I have to use. I fear, however, that the instructor is using our first essays as a benchmark for the next two and that she’s going to use that benchmark to grade us on our own individual abilities. So, because I am good, I will be expected to be great or better going forward. Since I got an A on the first essay, if I were to suddenly do C or D level work on the third essay, she’d know it wasn’t my usual quality of work and might grade my paper more harshly.

I just hate this class now and can’t wait for it to be over. I mean, I reeeeeeeeeally HATE it.  In class on Tuesday, we had to do peer feedback for our second essay. Peer feedback involves giving a draft of your essay to two of your classmates for them to review and give input. We’re then supposed to take that feedback into consideration as we complete the final essay, which is due a week later (in this case, essay two is due on the 24^th). For our first essay, we got to pick our feedback partners; for this peer review session, we did not. The instructor created groups for us to work with, and within a few minutes of meeting with my two group members, I understood why. They were C and D level writers. The instructor must have decided that I, as the A level writer, could give them a lot of good feedback, which I think I did—I mean, I practically rewrote their papers for them! However, the feedback I received was minimal. Both group members told me that my paper was awesome and that they loved some of my word choices. (I used big words like extol and propensity.) The only piece of actual advice I got was to consider moving a paragraph or two to make the paper flow better. 

Not to sound elitist, but based on my performance versus my classmates in my last class and in this current class, I am clearly far too advanced for community college. I really wish instructors and school teachers and everyone else in the world of education would realize that coddling students and giving everyone who puts forth even the slightest bit of effort a good grade does no one any good at all. All it does is reinforce the entitlement mentality that is so prevalent in our society today. People continue to expect something for nothing, believing they should have to put forth as little effort as possible to get what they want out of life. Students are being taught that putting in the tiniest bit of effort is enough. It’s perfectly acceptable to shoot for the trash can if the stars seem too far away. It’s ridiculous and it’s sad.

The lesson I’ve learned from all of this is that I should perhaps lower my expectations of myself. I shouldn’t push myself so hard. I mean, why should I bother stressing over classes and pushing myself to give 110% or more when really I could probably give about 80% and still exceed my “peers”? It’s really disheartening, and I think it’s bullshit. Only four classes and one big essay left. This sinus infection has set me back a bit though, so I had to work my ass off on homework last night. I still haven’t even started my Interpersonal Communications competency, which needs to be completed by December 5. I’m really not too worried about it anymore though. If the one girl in my peer feedback managed to pass it, meaning she wrote a decent enough 4-8 page paper, then I most certainly am capable of writing a passable paper within a couple weekends.

A for AWESOME

I finally got my grade for discussion leading last week. I have been stressing out all week over it, and I’ve been checking the grading website obsessively. I think it’s so great that instructors have the ability to post grades online. I like to be able to check my progress as class progresses, so I think it’s a fabulous tool! However, it’s only as good as the information instructors post. If they post grades in a timely manner, it’s awesome; if they don’t, then not so much. Grades for last week’s assignments weren’t posted until about four o’clock yesterday, which is an hour and a half before class starts! I realized a couple days ago that, because you can check yourself against the progress of the class for each assignment listed, the instructor probably purposely waited to post our discussion leading grade because we were the first (and only) group to go last week, so she didn’t want everyone else knowing our grade.

I am so thrilled to say that we (I) got an A! The grading sheet had nine different items that were graded. There was a strength column and a weakness column next to these items with a line in each column corresponding to each of the nine items. The instructor had put an x at the top of the strength column and drew a line all the way down through the rest of the spaces in the column, so there was nothing in the weakness column. Her comments were as follows: “This was an exceptional presentation in every way—you provided a thoughtful and complex analysis of the essay and photograph and you raised engaging and provocative questions. Well done!” Then, at the grade area at the bottom of the sheet, there was an A. That’s definitely an A for effort, because I did put a lot of work into it, but it’s mostly an A for AWESOME!!!! I was, and still am, giddy! 10% of my grade is complete, and it’s an A! I could’ve suspected as much from the instructor’s comments in class last week, but as I said then, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. The closer we got to class this week without last week’s grades having been posted online, the more doubt crept in that perhaps we hadn’t gotten an A after all. I was beginning to get used to the idea that a B wouldn’t be so bad. Thankfully, I didn’t have to settle for a B. I earned that A, and I’m proud of it!!!

The instructor had asked me to share the grading sheet with my partner when she got to class, which I did. Partner looked at it for all of a few seconds and then handed it back to me. When we were about to go on break, partner asked if she could have the sheet back for a minute because she wanted to make a photocopy of it. As I was looking for it among all the things I’d just put away, she said, “Was that the grade you were hoping for?” I looked at her as though she’d grown five heads. I didn’t know how to respond. Doesn’t everyone hope for an A? Isn’t the goal usually to do the best job you possibly can, or at the very least, to get appropriate credit for working hard? I almost said, “Actually, no. I’m average, so my grades should be too. I would’ve been much more comfortable with a C.” I mean really. Come on now. What I actually said was, “I’m pretty pleased with it! Aren’t you?!?!” She didn’t really say much. I wondered if the reason she was going to make a photocopy of the grading sheet was because it was her first A ever in her whole entire life, and she wanted to go home and hang it on the refrigerator.

Then it became very clear to me that our partnership never in a million years would’ve been a successful one. Though partner appears to be a female approximately 35 years of age, she is in all reality an alien. The reason our partnership didn’t work so well was because of the inevitable miscommunication that occurs whenever different species try to interact. I didn’t understand the indifferent slacker work ethic of the alien while she didn’t understand my take charge, work hard attitude. I wish she would’ve at least given me some kind of sign of this difference between us. At least then I would’ve known what I was working with, and I wouldn’t have taken our failed partnership so personally.

At any point, I’m glad my (not that I'm keeping track) hard work paid off. I’m glad that, despite the fact that we had no example to go by, we (I) ended up pulling off a great presentation. I’m not glad that my classmates do not seem to have understood what the instructor meant last week when she said that we had set the bar high. Two out of the three discussions yesterday were excruciating, to say the least…

Pair one talked about the anti-drug campaign. Within fifteen minutes of them starting their presentation, I desperately began to think up possible scenarios to put myself out of my misery. Literally every other “word” the woman said was “ummm” or “ahhh” or “errr.” It was hell. We all do it sometimes; I know that. We all let those um’s and ah’s sneak in instead of letting silence hang as we formulate our next words. I’ve found that, if you know your topic well enough, there is less of a chance of this happening; once you get on a roll, you can talk continuously about the topic. Apparently Miss UmmAhh wasn’t aware of this. It seemed as though she had just figured out when she arrived at class yesterday that she and her partner had a presentation to give and discussion to lead. It became very clear that she wasn’t exactly well prepared when she informed us that, because meth production has gotten so bad, acetaminophen was removed from over the counter sales and can only be purchased from a pharmacist now. That’s quite obviously wrong, since you can walk into any pharmacy, retail, or grocery store to buy Tylenol. What you cannot buy over the counter anymore is pseudoephedrine, or “real” Sudafed.

Pair two talked about gender roles and how children determine and decide on how to act according to their gender. Discussion revolved around how adults influence children, how toys and toy commercials (think Barbie) influence children, etc. They actually did a pretty good job, and we had an interesting class discussion. The only problem I had was that they distributed a handout that was clearly just printed off of a website, so it wasn’t their own work, and they didn’t refer to it once throughout their whole presentation. It was like they saw the part on the direction sheet that said “handouts are encouraged” and decided they had to have one to get a higher grade. Their handouts were two pages on two separate sheets of paper. If they were going to waste paper, they could’ve at least just wasted one sheet per person by doing the handout as a double sided sheet. I judge them for killing more trees than were necessary in the hopes that it would get them a better grade.

Pair three was on a tight schedule. The instructor had told them class was running out of time and that they had 25 minutes to get everything said, discussed, and wrapped up. Most people would be grateful for this, I would think. I would also think it would compel you to get through your portion of the presentation quickly so that you could open up the class discussion and be done. Unfortunately, one of the women in this pair was the “my life is so interesting everyone wants to hear every stupid minute detail about it” type. (Says the girl who writes a blog; don’t worry, the hypocrisy isn’t lost on me. At least you, dear reader, get a choice in the matter. You have the ability to ignore the stupid minute details of my life, because you are not being forced to read this blog.) The topic of the discussion was how to write a catchy beer ad. Ms “my life is interesting” decided to regale us with stories of working in the marketing industry. She had apparently done a stint at a market research firm and decided we all need the intricate details of demographics, target markets, focus groups, etc. It became clear later on that she was just regurgitating the big words she’d heard while working at this firm; not only because the stuff she was saying was stuff that was pretty much common knowledge, but also because when someone asked her later on what the target market for the three beer commercials they’d shown were, she stumbled around for an answer that clearly wasn’t right.

Lest you think I’m being smug about my A and unreasonably bitchy and judgey* regarding the performance of my classmates, I need to tell you that many of my classmates seemed to share my opinion. I had people leaning over and whispering to me during the first presentation saying things like, “You guys did really good last week.” (And because they were complimenting me, I resisted the urge to correct them, because even politely saying "really well" could've been misconstrued as rude.)  During the class break, others were talking about how excruciating the first presentation had been and were reminding me that my partner and I kicked butt last week. So while I might have been bitchy and judgey in this blog, it was not without cause. Oh, and it’s kinda who I am, and I accept that about me. Hopefully you can too.


* Yes, I know judgey isn't a "real" word; however, I think it should be, because it is appropriate in so many situations.

I know you're just dying to know...

Last night was the moment of truth: Discussion Leading.

My partner finally responded to my emails on Monday. She sent some of the stuff I had sent to her back to me and wrote, “I added my research and added a couple questions to the handout.” Great. Good. So, I open the most important document first, which is our analysis of the essay we read. She did her analysis on the photographer and the photo that the essay was about while I did mine on the author and the essay itself. She took more than half of the wording I’d used in my analysis and made it her own. Soooooooooooo NOT COOL! So, I did a mash up (bonus points if you know where that’s from) of her “analysis” and my analysis to come up with something that would work for both of us. I decided she could present the view of the photographer and I would present the view of the author. I rewrote the analysis to break each point down to author versus photographer and highlighted her parts of the analysis, basically our talking points, in blue and mine in green and sent it back to her explaining my idea. As I hit send, I cursed once again about how much I loathe partner work. *SIGH* At least the two questions she added to the handout were good.

She finally used the cell phone number I’d given her in a previous email to call me (a novel idea). She apologized for being MIA for awhile and said she’d been having computer issues. Whatever. She liked my idea of splitting the presentation and thanked me for all the work I did. We agreed that we’d show a short video clip after presenting our analysis and then we’d discuss the handout I made to get the discussion going.

I’m beyond proud of the handout I made. We (I) decided to focus on graphic images in the media, specifically photos of human tragedy. I did a one sheet summary of our topic, advantages and disadvantages to showing graphic images, and an accompanying two sided handout with pictures. One side focused on a recent suicide bombing in Baghdad and the other focused on Hurricane Katrina. The top half of the sheet showed photos that did a good job of telling a story on their own—for Baghdad, a bombed out building, and for Katrina, photos showing the magnitude of the flooding and a man being rescued. The bottom half of the sheet showed more graphic photos—for Baghdad, dead bodies that had been pulled from the rubble, and for Katrina, a corpse floating in the water. The one sheet summary also included about half a dozen open-ended questions for discussion. I knew we wouldn’t have time to cover all of the questions, but I thought it could be food for thought. We based the discussion around whether or not the bottom photos on the sheets were necessary. Why does the general public needs to see these images? Whey do they want to? Etc.

Since we were going to be the very first discussion leaders for the class, we really had nothing to go by, so I hoped that what I’d come up with was at least somewhat right. We were the only ones signed up to do discussion leading yesterday, because no one else was stupid enough to sign up for the very first week of discussion leading. My partner and I had agreed to try to make it to class early to go over some last minute details regarding the order of our presentation and who would say what. Class starts at 5:30. I was there at 5. I skipped dinner because I’d spent the whole day battling an increasingly painful migraine and was now at the point where nearly every time I took a breath in I felt like I would vomit. My partner finally managed to show up at 5:35. This was not starting off well, and I really didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to be done with the project. I had gotten to the point where I was hoping she just wouldn’t show up. I’d done most (all) of the work anyway, and I’d had it with her at this point. I was not interested in anymore excuses, and I was willing and able to tackle this on my own.

I’d met with the instructor for a few minutes before class to clarify time limit; our instruction sheet said half an hour max and I needed to know if that was for our part of the presentation or for the whole class discussion. I was hoping it was the former, because we had a lot of material to cover and I thought the discussion would probably go on for a while. Unfortunately it was the latter, which I was worried about.

We got a class break before having to give our presentation, so we took a couple minutes then to make sure we were on the same page with things. I filled my partner in on the time limit, and she didn’t seem worried. She was incredibly confused when I told her I thought we would go over time. She didn’t seem to realize that discussion leading meant leading a discussion, which meant getting through our presentation quickly in order to get to the discussion quickly. We wanted to be able to ask at least a couple questions for the discussion, and we’d want to give our classmates time to respond to our questions and, you know, discuss the topic.

When we finally got through our presentation (partner had apparently decided at the last minute, after I’d told her about my concerns with time and the need for us to get through our portion of the presentation quickly, that she needed to add a bunch of detail to her info on the photographer; probably because she was feeling guilty about doing practically no work for this whole project. I swear, she might as well have told us what the guy frickin’ ate for breakfast each day and what color boxers he preferred.) we started the discussion. I was surprised at how many of our classmates eagerly joined right in. It’s a touchy subject, so I knew everyone would have an opinion, but I didn’t have a good feeling about class discussions based on my previous class where a couple other students and I did all of the talking while the rest just stared at us as they tried not to drool all over themselves. After our first couple questions, I saw the instructor give me the signal that we should wrap up in five minutes. My partner, of course, didn’t see this, so she kept talking. (She really wasn’t getting the point that this was time for the class to discuss the topic, which meant she didn’t have to give an eleventy billion worded reply to every response a classmate gave. I’m glad I had a migraine, because if I hadn’t had to concentrate so hard on not vomiting, my patience would’ve worn out and I would’ve snapped and smacked a bitch.)

The discussion ended up going twenty minutes beyond the five minute warning, which I was super worried about until I remembered that the instructor had said she would cut us off when she wanted the discussion to end. She told the class that, unfortunately, the discussion had to end. She realized that it was an issue that could be discussed for days and encouraged everyone to use our wonderful (exact word she used) handout to spark discussion with friends and family. She thanked us and told the class to thank us for having the courage to be the first ones to go. Everyone clapped for a second time.  She then said, “I love it when discussion leading starts out this good.” I tried not to smile, because I didn’t want to look vain and was still standing in front of the whole class.

She told the class that she wanted to tell them, and us, what we did right. Since she maintained her position sitting with the class, my partner and I remained stainding in front of the whole class as she said that we did an awesome job of showing multiple points of view on the topic and in making it relevant to today. She said that we did a great job of coming up with questions to get the discussion started and to keep it moving. She said our topic was one of the harder ones to lead, because there is so much that can be said about the topic. She told our classmates to thank us for “showing them how it’s done” and giving them such a good example. A couple of the guys in class jokingly said, “Why should we thank them?!? They set the bar way too high!” to which the instructor replied, “Yes. They did set the bar quite high. That’s exactly why you should thank them; there should be no question for the rest of you now as to what you need to do for discussion leading.” As we returned to our seats, many of our classmates told us it was a great discussion and that they really enjoyed it.

I. Was. THRILLED! If I’m being modest, I would say that I was shocked when the instructor said we set the bar high, because my only hope was that we did a good enough job and were at least somewhere near the right track; I was really just relieved that it was over. However, if I’m being honest, I was really hoping she’d say that. I worked really frickin’ hard on this project! I am a perfectionist, and as such, I set the bar incredibly high for myself. To know that someone saw that and appreciated it made all of that hard work seem worth it. So, that’s it. It’s finally over. I eagerly await my grade for the project, which as a reminder is 10% of my final grade. If the instructor’s comments are any indication, I should get a pretty good grade. Hopefully an A, but I don’t want to get my hopes up.

So what have we learned from all of this, class?  Frazzled doesn't do partner work.  It just doesn't mesh well with her controlling, perfectionist tendancies.

P.S.  Parnter thanked me profusely for all the hard work I did and apologized for being "kind of hard to reach."  Her brother-in-law was hospitalized last week, and because she doesn't work right now, she was nominated to sit with him in the hospital while her sister cared for their kids.  She didn't have access to her computer at the hospital, so she had a hard time keeping up with everything.  I believe her, because she didn't have the draft of her big essay, which was due yesterday, finished either.  I felt bad for her and wish she just would've been honest with me.  She could've backed out and lead discussion on a different week, on a different topic, with a different partner or on her own.

MIA

My discussion partner seems to be MIA.  I wonder if she's decided our topic is too hard, so she doesn't want to deal with it.  Perhaps she's been struck down by H1N1.  Maybe she's contacted the instructor and pleaded temporary insanity, "I didn't realize what I was doing singing up for Discussion Leading so soon."  I don't know.  What I do know is that I worked my ass off today to gather materials for the discussion and to complete my rhetorical analysis of the essay we're focusing on.  I haven't heard from my partner since Thursday, and we have to lead this discussion in class on Tuesday; a little less than 48 hours from now.  We still need to figure out who is going to say what and whether we're on the same page in terms of the analysis of the essay.  This is why I hate working with partners.  For now, I'm preparing to fly solo on this one, because that way I will be prepared no matter what.

Music Man brought up a good point after witnessing my meltdown this morning over all the work I still had to do.  Even though I'll still have about the same amount of homework from week to week, this big project will be out of the way.  After this week, I'll no longer have to worry about this big, stressful part of my grade.  This is both good and bad.  Good because it will be done and I will not have to stress over it anymore.  Bad because it's 10-15% of my grade, and if I don't do well on it, that's just going to damper my spirits; maybe even push me to decide that I might as well not try as hard on all the other stuff.  I reeeeeeeeally hope I do well on it.  I'll know after Tuesday.

I have one piece of the mountain of homework left to complete:  the essay.  I've picked my art.  Now all I have to do it bullshit my way through the first draft of an essay.  I should be able to get that done tomorrow.  Then, I'll be all ready to go for class.  What a fantastic fuckin' weekend I've had.  I bet you wish you were me...

Maybe Halfway There

So I've finished reading the four essays I had to read, and I've written the one paragraph summaries.  I also finished watching all three videos and wrote those summaries as well.  Each video was about a half an hour long, which was longer than I expected and is way too long when you're talking about things like free writing and peer feedback.  My absolute delight over watching these wonderful masterpieces was exponentially increased by the dumb fuckin' trick-or-treaters from the ghetto apartments the next block over who kept ringing my doorbell and knocking on my door even though the fuckin' outside lights were OFF!  Which, of course, threw Wiggly into absolute fits of barking and running from window to door to try to figure out who the fuck was trying to invade our fortress of estrogen.  She gets especially crazy when Music Man is gone, which he is tonight because he has a gig (he's not called Music Man for nothin').  I've also managed to finish all of the required reading, including the two handouts.  I can't even began to tell you how riveting that was.

So, all that's left now is that essay about art and the discussion leading.  I'm quitting for the night.  I'm tired--No...Exhausted, which I really shouldn't be since I took a nap today.  I feel as though I might be coming down with something, which I sincerely hope I'm not, because I cannot afford to get sick right now.  I don't give a shit about missing work, but I cannot miss school.  Because this class is so intense and crammed full of stuff, the instructor told us last week that if one were to miss more than a day of class, they would lose all hope of ever catching up, resulting in an automatic fail.  I don't need that; it would be a waste of money and it would delay my progress towards completing my degree.  In short, I'd be fuckin' pissed if I got sick right now.

Besides, we gain an hour this weekend when clocks fall back at 2 a.m. tomorrow.  (You will learn, dear reader, that I am very good at rationalizing my behavior.)  Once I decide what I'm going to use as art, I should have no problem bullshitting my way through a 3-4 page essay.  Besides, it's just the draft that has to be complete, so it can be shit.  In fact, the shittier it is, the more I'll be offering the lucky student who gets to give me peer feedback.  Just think of all the things he or she will be able to advise me to improve upon!  I'm a giver; I know.  I'm beyond frustrated over the Discussion Leading and don't even want to deal with it.  The last I heard from my partner was on Thursday when she told me she'd found a couple books at the college library that she thought we could use as outside sources on our topic, which we've decided is ethics in photojournalism.  Not sure if we're working in the right direction with that or not, but hopefully we'll at least get an A for effort.  (See what I did there?)  I haven't heard from her since, which is making me nervous.  So, I'm planning on just doing the work myself and then anything she adds, if she adds anything at all, will be a bonus.

I'm off to have a few mini candy bars from the Halloween candy Music Man bought for us. I know, I know...I'm awful for not giving free candy to the lovely neighborhood children.  I don't care.  I've fuckin' earned them.  What the fuck have they done?  Before you say, "But, Frazzled, they've painstakingly picked out and/or created a fabulous costume," you need to know that the few I've seen walk past my window do not appear to have made any attempt to dress up in any way.  They were all pre-teen boys wearing football jerseys.  That is not a costume all by itself; I don't care what anyone says.  (I will admit that I could be a teeny tiny bit biased as a result of having dated a guy who perpetually wore football or hockey jerseys, but still.)   HAPPY HALLOWEEN, dear readers!

Another One Down

I survived another class!!! I already know that I got an A; I could’ve failed the final and still gotten an A, and I most certainly didn’t fail the final. So, after three classes, I’m still holding on to my 4.0 GPA. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I’m allowing myself to be super excited about it, and will hold on to that as long I can, because right now I'm on shaky ground…

On Tuesday, I started a class called English 1108, or Writing and Research Skills. The course description indicates that it’s a “writing intensive” course, and that was no joke. It doesn’t help that I’m taking it in the accelerated format, which means we only have eight weeks to cram it all in. Eight weeks seems like a lot until you realize that it really only means eight days, because class only meets one evening a week. To give you an idea of the workload, my homework for the week: read 60 pages of the text book, read two 2-4 page handouts, read four 3-6 page essays and write a one paragraph summary on each, watch three 10-20 minute video segments and write a one paragraph summary on each, and write a draft of Essay 1. Essay 1: The Role of Art = 3-4 typed double spaced pages on something (book, movie, photograph, painting, or music) I think is art and why I think it’s art; must have at least three quotes or citations from at least one textual source. I’m really okay with everything except the Essay. I don’t really give a crap about art, and there’s nothing in my life that screams “I AM ART!” to me. It’s not as though I don’t like or enjoy art, or that I’m incapable of seeing art around me; it’s just that I feel rushed to get this done and have no clue what I will use as art.

I like writing, and some people (excluding myself, because I am my own worst critic, and including all of my instructors to date) think I’m a good writer. The problem lies in the fact that I can write for pages and pages when I’m writing about something I want to write about; take blogging, for instance. It’s easy to tell a story, and it’s more of a “stream of consciousness” thing for me. A lot of times I don’t have to think it out; I just write and let the words flow and then go back and reread and fix things. When I’m forced into a corner and need to write about a subject I don’t understand or don’t care about, that’s a whole ‘nother story. I don’t like things that I don’t understand, because I don’t like being confused or questioning myself or my abilities, which is what things I don’t understand make me do. Don’t even get me started on having to cite sources for papers. I understand that research skills are important; but, I work forty hours a week at a job, the nature of which is research, that sucks away my soul and I would like to have a tiny little bit of a life besides work and homework. (Even if that tiny bit just involves napping.  I looooooooove napping.)  In other words, I don’t have time for that shit! If I can’t research it on the internets, then it’s not important enough for me to know at this point. I nearly have an aneurysm just thinking about finding and citing sources. Seriously. I’m not kidding. I nearly cried when I read that I would have to find and cite sources. In fact, I’m almost crying right now.

As if all of that’s not enough, each student has to lead one discussion in class (10-15% of grade depending on where you look, which is frustrating in and of itself, because consistency in stating the grading scale would be nice). Not realizing that November 3 is next week, I went ahead and signed up to lead a discussion on one of the first essays we are to read. Here’s what’s involved in “Discussion Leading”: (1) provide rhetorical analysis (huh???) of the essay/visual argument, (2) come prepared with 4 detailed, thoughtful, and open-ended questions on the text to provoke classmates into a useful discussion on the essay and/or its topic/theme, (3) offer background information on the topic of the reading (i.e. what examples from today does it apply to), (4) provide a list of at least 3 outside sources, (5) use at least one visual aid, and (6) a handout for the class is highly encouraged. I do have a partner, so it’s not all just me, but I wanna throw up just looking at 1-6 again. Especially since I’m not finding a lot of outside sources available on the essay I read. This is totally my fault. I should’ve paid attention to the date I would have to lead discussion, and I should’ve spent a couple of minutes looking at the essays instead of relying on the instructor’s ridiculously shitty description of the topics. The essay was super depressing, and I am just at a loss on leading a discussion at this point.

Since I had my final International Cinema class on Thursday, I lost a whole evening of homework time this week, which doesn’t help matters and serves as yet another reason it was not so smart for me to sign up for Discussion Leading next week. Needless to say, I do not have a fun weekend ahead of me…

Oh, and (just when you thought I was done whining), I need to start working on the Interpersonal Communications Competency that I have to have done by December 5. Competencies are projects one works on alone in order to “test out” of taking an actual class. This particular competency involves reading the textbook that is used for the Interpersonal Communications class, watching the movie “When Harry Met Sally” (not complaining about that part, since it’s one of my faves), and writing an 8-10 page paper on 2-3 interpersonal communication principals and how they can be applied to the movie, citing scenes and dialogue to reinforce my points. On Saturday, December 5, at 8:30 a.m., I get to go to a classroom at Community College to turn in my work and to participate in an hour long discussion with other students completing the competency.

Music Man knows and understands how frustrated and panicked I am, and he’s been great about it. He even reminded me that International Cinema had seemed like it was going to be overwhelming at first too, and while it truly was a lot of work, I was completely fine once I got into a schedule. He is absolutely certain English 1108 will turn out the same way. I’m glad he has so much confidence in my abilities, because I surely do not; I foresee major meltdowns in my future.

I’m so very fortunate to have someone so supportive and understanding in my corner. He’s my cheerleader and my sounding board, and I don’t know what I’d do without him. When I got home from class last night, he congratulated me on finishing yet another class and he’d gotten me a card telling me how proud he was of me. (All together now: “AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!” Yeah, I know. He’s great. I told you.)

I didn’t expect that school was going to be easy. Not one bit. I just didn’t do a good job of preparing myself for what I was getting into. Though I really don't know what I possibly could've done to prepare myself.  For those of us who are pretty averse to change, it’s hard adjusting to what seems to be near constant change. Just when I think I’m getting into a groove on homework and scheduling, class ends and a new one begins. I’ll get used to it, and I’ll get better at adapting, but right now I just need to whine about it a little bit. Once I get the whining out of my system, I’ll be good to go!!!  I just need to keep in mind that I only have 7 weeks of English Hell left...

I don’t regret my decision at all, because I know it’s all going to be worth it in the end. But, it’s going to be a tough four years. I can handle it. I know I can. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” and I am one strong bitch!