B for Back in the Saddle

Hello, lovely reader!! Once again, it’s been a while. I’m hoping this fall, once my school schedule is more stable and predictable, that I’ll be able to have a more stable and predictable blogging schedule as well. And maybe—just maybe—I’ll actually get some readers back and/or will attract more readers.

As you can already tell based on the fact that I have written this post that you are now reading, I survived summer semester. Just barely. It was the most difficult semester I think I’ve ever had, which is saying a lot. I was cursing myself for saving two Prior Learning Assessments (PLAs) until last. What on Earth was I thinking attempting to do two PLAs in one semester?!?! Obviously, I wasn’t. Thinking, that is. Had I actually been thinking I’d have realized how emotionally draining the Death and Dying papers would be and I’d have given myself plenty of time to work on them while allowing for breaks.

I didn’t anticipate just how much I’d drag my feet on these assignments either. I’m usually pretty good about getting myself out of my procrastination mode with a little positive self-talk, but it just wasn’t working this time around. Nope. I dug my heels in. Hard. I did not want to analyze or rethink my personal experiences with death. Especially the “significant” experiences the instructor requested we write about. I wanted my most significant experience to stay right where it was; locked up safely in my head. I waited so long to get started that it became clear that there was a distinct possibility that I wouldn’t finish on time.

Before I’d even started, I’d given up. Instead of working hard to complete the papers I needed to write, I started thinking about what my advisor at St. Scholastica would say to my request to delay starting their program until next fall. Was that even a possibility? I had already been accepted, so surely I could delay my start date without having to reapply. I rationalized that I could spend the fall doing Death and Dying, spring semester doing that ten paper Family and Society PLA (which I hadn’t started at this point either), and summer semester doing the fine arts class I’d still need because I had dropped my music class this summer (there was no chance I’d be able to keep up when I was now panicking because I hadn’t started either of the two PLAs). I had a plan. It wasn’t a good one, but it was a plan.

I battled with myself. I screamed at myself (in my head only, of course) that I at least needed to try to finish the PLAs on time. What if I could do it? There was still time. The final papers I turned in wouldn’t be my best work, of course, but I could at least turn something in. It wasn’t worth setting me back a whole year. Besides, when I’d taken that very first course that explained the process of PLAs, they’d said you basically had to work hard to fail them. In other words, it’s almost impossible to fail them if you hand something in on time.

Words cannot express how physically and emotionally exhausting it was to complete the assignments. I ended up using up vacation days at work in order to stay home to write in the hopes that I’d finish the papers on time. THAT’S how long I procrastinated, lovely reader. I’m not proud of it. I hope I learned from it and that such a thing will never happen again. It's just that I was in such a funk that I literally ceased all forward motion. I just could not get started.

I somehow managed to get the Death and Dying project done with hours to spare. And then? I found out they moved the meeting time out a day, which meant I actually got it done with hours and a day to spare. It was not my best work; nowhere near it, in fact. But, it was done.

Though the Family and Society assignment seemed even more daunting, what with ten papers to write, I expected the papers to be easy. I’d done four or five of the same style of papers for this same instructor in the sociology class I took last summer, so I was familiar with the format she expected. Also, each paper only had to be two to four pages. I could do this. Except…

I didn’t anticipate how draining these papers would be either. I had to think a lot about my past. I had to deal with a lot of stuff that came up. I had to write about my dysfunctional childhood, which led to me being a dysfunctional teenager/young adult, which led to entering into bad relationships in which I was abused. It was not fun stuff to think about or relive. I don’t like drudging up the past. I’d moved on with my life and was done with the past. I am a totally different person now. A survivor in a lot of ways. I didn’t want to think critically to apply sociological theories to my life. Panic mode set in again. And, once again, I ended up having to use up a vacation day at work in order to stay home and finish up the assignment.

I did end up passing both PLAs. I am now done with Community College. (Kinda. I’m two courses short, but I’m taking them as part of my bachelor’s program and transferring credits back to Community College in order to get credit for completing my associate’s degree.) I’m ready to move on to the College of St. Scholastica (CSS) and the pursuit of my bachelor’s degree. Kinda.

I have come to the conclusion that I’m burnt out on school, lovely reader. I’m just ready to be done. It’s been a really long two years, and I almost can’t bear to think about the fact that I have sixteen months to a year and a half left until my bachelor’s is complete. Then, a year left to get my master’s degree, should I choose to do that. Right now, that’s looking quite unlikely. Perhaps I’ll get some work experience and take a little break from school before pursuing my master’s degree.

The only things propelling me forward at this point is (1) I already have so much money invested in school that it would be absolutely stupid to give up now, (2) the bachelor’s program will provide a much-needed change of scenery, and (3) I will finally be immersed in studying social work, which is what I have been working so hard to do.

I attended my advisement session a couple weeks ago at CSS and was disappointed to find out that, though I had completed the steps advisors at both schools told me I needed to, I’m over 20 credits short to transfer. It’s fuzzy to me how it all works, and I don’t want to get into a long-winded explanation, but it was to do with the fact that Community College accepted 16 transfer credits from the technical college I attended right out of high school. While I was under the understanding that those 16 would transfer as is to St. Scholastica, based on what the previous advisor had told me, that’s proven not to be the case. I cannot tell you how frustrated and angry I was to find this out!

I had to do a bit of footwork to try to get syllabi from old courses I took back in 1997 in order to see if St. Scholastica will accept them. The social work program coordinator is pushing hard for this to happen, but we won’t know the results for sure until towards the end of fall semester. If the school decides to accept them, great! If not, I guess I’ll have to take 20 extra credits on top of my bachelor’s degree classes. I am not pleased. At all. If they do take them, I’m wondering if I’ll have to deal with the same issue if/when I decide to complete a master’s degree. I’m certain I will. Whatever school I decide to transfer to probably won’t accept the technical college credits either, because the problem is that the technical college isn’t accredited in accordance with new standards that were implemented across the state well after I graduated from there. It’s a sucktastic nightmare. When all is said and done, I’ll likely have completed two whole associate’s degrees (including the technical college associate in applied science), which is pretty ridiculous and unnecessary.

Let this be a lesson for those of you with children. If you want to send your kids to a community or technical college, make sure that any work they do there will be transferrable to other colleges/towards a higher degree should there even be a slight possibility that your child would want to pursue a higher degree. Otherwise, you’ll have wasted a whole lot of time and money on that technical school degree if your child does decide to pursue a bachelor’s.

I hope all is well in your world, lovely reader. I look forward to sharing my journey towards a social work degree and license with you and I look forwad to interacting with you more as I setup a more regular blogging routine.

S for Summer Break (Already Over?!)

Two weeks wasn’t a long enough summer break. Of course, I knew it wouldn’t be. Still, I am shocked and sad and downright grumpy over just how quickly it managed to fly by. I cannot really tell you what exactly I did, because I didn’t really do anything incredibly noteworthy. The best I can recall is that I was pretty much lazy, which hindsight tells me is probably exactly what I needed. I enjoyed a few weekend naps here and there, which was lovely. Oh! I also got to read a few books for pleasure instead of learning. THAT was incredibly awesome!! I still absolutely adore my Kindle and cannot wait to return to the days of reading for pleasure and fun.

Oh, and I did a 5K on May 22 (the day before my birthday). Musicman and I did it together, and we walked most of it (due to my breathing issues and having had to abandon C25K temporarily) with sprints here and there to get through the crowd. We finished in less than an hour and were super proud of ourselves for having completed our first 5K despite the fact that we were rained on for the whole first half. I tweeted a little bit about it and ended up winning a Sketchers prize pack from Weight Watchers, which I was pretty excited about. (I have yet to receive said prize pack, and am pondering whether I should contact someone about it or be patient and wait a little longer.)

Then, I got sick. I have been in a downward spiral health wise since around my birthday, which I attributed to allergy season. It’s just gotten worse and worse, and I’ve gotten more and more lethargic, culminating in my missing the last two days of the work week last week as I battled what I’m pretty sure was a nasty sinus infection. I slept pretty much all day both of those days and still felt as though I didn’t get enough sleep. I’m slowly getting my energy back, but Minnesota is currently having a really rough allergy season, so I don’t expect to be completely back to normal anytime soon.

And I hate that. I’m frustrated at the lack of energy especially; I don’t do well with feeling tired. It just serves to make me even more grumpy and less tolerant of pretty much everything. I actually broke down crying on Sunday because I was just so sick of feeling sick and I just feel so lazy and worthless. Musicman, of course, was super supportive. He reminded me that I might also be a little burnt out considering that I’m doing the work of 2-3 people at work, I just finished a really long and trying semester at school and am now facing yet another trying semester, and I’m still working hard to be a good wife and puppy mom (and sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, aunt, etc).

When put like that, it would seem my plate is quite full. It would also seem that Musicman is an awesome and super understanding husband, which of course he is. (A quick side note: Musicman graduated from C25K yesterday. I am so super duper proud of him for completing the program! He’s still going to work on increasing his speed and distance and is thinking about when he’s going to try running his first 5K. If I’m being honest, I’m a little jealous. I should’ve been finishing the program at around this time too, but my stupid body refused to cooperate. I’m hoping to pick it up again soon.)

I should probably try to find the time to go see an allergist and maybe get on some new allergy meds, and I should get back to the doctor to talk about my asthma. But, I don’t have the time right now. I also really don’t have the patience, considering that my doctor kinda just glossed over my asthma concerns during my annual visit about a month ago. I’m especially frustrated that I made some major life changes—quitting smoking (it’s been 5 months!) and losing weight (down a little over 23 pounds!)—that should have improved my health by now, but so far, I haven’t reaped many of the benefits I was looking forward to. I’m specifically talking about the energy increase both were supposed to provide. So far, that has not happened for me, and I’m a little pissy about it.

Summer semester is in full swing and I find myself really not giving a damn. It’s my last semester at Community College, and I want to give it my all in order to leave with a 4.0 GPA, but I find myself just completely apathetic about getting anything done. I think it’s a combination of the fact that it’s my last semester, thus I already have my sight set on bigger and better things as I finally embark on the social work curriculum, and I’m just burnt out on school (and in general).

I have two competencies, Prior Learning Assessments (PLAs, which are self-directed projects), to get done and one online class that starts in the beginning of July. One PLA, the Psychology of Death and Dying, involves reading an entire textbook to familiarize myself with principles and concepts that I will use to write some papers and which will also be discussed at the meeting in the middle of July where we’re expected to hand in our work. There’s also a two part writing assignment. The first part is a “deathography” in which I must write about my significant experiences with death, applying at least 5 concepts from the textbook. The second part involves researching and responding to the ethical questions surrounding two death-related topics from a list that includes: physician-assisted suicide, capital punishment, withdrawal of life support, green funerals, stem-cell research, etc. I’m just not thrilled about this one. Death isn’t fun, and it’s certainly not entertaining. This one is just plain difficult to work on and complete.

The other, Sociology of Family and Society, involves reading ten 2-6 page essays regarding various family matters from an assigned book and writing ten 2-5 page summary/reaction papers, incorporating various sociological principles and my personal life experience into these narratives. This one shouldn’t be too hard. I had this instructor last summer for my other sociology class, so I know exactly what she expects out of these papers. I did a fine job of bullshitting my way through the four papers we had to do in that class, so I should have no trouble doing the same for these ten. It’s simply a matter of buckling down and getting it done.

Basically, I need to do lots of reading, research, and writing. I seriously don’t know why I ever thought PLAs were a good idea for a procrastinator like me. I don’t do self-directed well. I don’t know what it is. I guess I’m just not disciplined enough, and I get too involved in the minute details, such as breaking larger projects into smaller pieces. I try to get everything done at once, end up getting overwhelmed, stop for a while, and then panic as the deadline approaches. I’d really rather just take the classes, but there’s no time for that now. I must finish these two projects and the upcoming music class in order to have all the credits I need to start at St. Scholastica in the fall. THAT’S the only thing keeping me going at this point; knowing that, if I screw this up, I screw up starting my bachelor’s degree.

So far, I’ve managed to read almost two (out of 15) chapters of the Psychology textbook. I’ve also spent a few hours making up a fancy calendar and schedule to plan out how I’ll complete these projects and to track my progress. I’m already off schedule. Shocking, I know. I blame getting sick last week; however, I have to admit that I haven’t exactly been chomping at the bit to get caught up. I still have plenty of time to get it all done, so I’m not too worried at this point. Unless, of course, I can’t get out of this funk; then I’ll be in trouble.

What do you do, lovely reader, when you’re generally just overwhelmed with life and in a funk? How do you get yourself back on track?

B for Burnt Out!!!

The subject line above sums up my feelings pretty accurately. It has been a challenging, crazy, hectic, pretty much ridiculous two weeks, but I’ve somehow survived it. My last post illustrated how the past two weeks were supposed to go, but here’s what actually happened:

Monday, July 5: Speech project was about three quarters finished. I had compiled research and began to put it into a crude outline. I started to wonder if I should just take the incomplete grade, and not bother showing up on the 14th. I somehow managed not to cry over how frustrated I was.

Tuesday, July 6: I spent much of the day at work compiling my Sociology group’s data together into a script for our fake talk show. This should’ve been done by now, but the group members chose to enjoy their holiday weekends instead of actually sending me their research. I cursed them (and imagined some not so nice things happening to them) while also trying to commit enough of my Sociology notes to memory to somehow pass the final.

English class started. I heard the words “group work” and nearly walked out of the class. Found out during break that group work is all done during class, and calmed down. First assignment: read 60 pages of book before Thursday. Doesn’t seem like it will be such a bad class—two small essays and a larger final writing project seems quite manageable!

Wednesday, July 7: Spent some time at work studying Sociology notes. Hoped fate would miraculously intervene and the final would be cancelled. Fate screwed me. Took Sociology final. Realized my brain retains a lot more info than I give it credit for. Felt as though I did pretty well on final. Ran through talk show with group members a few times. Went home and did a little reading for English assignment.

Thursday, July 8: Finished reading assignment for English class during lunchtime at work. Attended second session of English class. Starting to second-guess this class. Seems like a lot of reading for what is supposed to be a writing class. Assignment: read 44 pages of book.

Friday, July 9: Took the day off of work to get a haircut, in the hopes of looking halfway decent for cousin’s wedding, and to work on speech. End up napping on and off most of the day. (Was obviously exhausted.) Get haircut. Do a little shopping to try to find something to wear to wedding tomorrow. Work on speech outline and finish up competence narrative. Freak out that speech won’t be long enough. Do crude read through aloud to figure out that I do, in fact, have enough data. Proceed with writing speech outline.

Saturday, July 10: Realize that there are some Lifetime Fitness class assignments due Sunday. Oops! Good thing I noticed on time! Attend cousin’s wedding. Wish I would’ve just stayed home, because though it was good to see siblings, niece, and dad, my time would’ve been more valuable spent working on speech. Get home relatively early in the evening and work on Lifetime Fitness assignments. Once again contemplate taking incomplete grade on speech. Try hard not to cry.

Sunday, July 11: Monster headache. Upload completed Lifetime Fitness assignments. Realize how far behind I am on reading for Lifetime Fitness and am thankful it’s an online class. Finish up reading for English class. Practice speech, and make note of how much work it still needs. PANIC! Before bed, I tell MusicMan it just might be best if I don’t go to the Public Speaking Competence. Worse case, I’ll lose the money, but that’s gonna happen anyway when I go and fail it. He stays silent. He knows the stress has hit, and that it’s claws are pierced deeply through my skin.

Monday, July 12: Go to work and tell boss I’m taking tomorrow off for appointments. I’ve really gotta finalize my speech outline and practice, practice, practice. Realize I have no idea where to go to give speech on Wednesday. Call school to get info. Go to final Sociology class. Find out I got an A on the Sociology final. Not really sure how I pulled it off, but excited and pleased that I did. Group presentation goes surprisingly well. I laugh when many classmates tell me I should be a talk show hostess in real life, because I did such an amazing job. Ego boosts makes me start to think that maybe, just maybe, I can do this speech on Wednesday.

Tuesday, July 13: Finish speech outline. Practice. Speech is too long! Cut some stuff out of outline and practice again. Dogs listen attentively. Speech is about 11 minutes, which is pretty much perfect considering guidelines state 10-12 minutes. Transfer important notes to note cards. Realize I need bigger note cards. Shower, run to drug store, buy 4x6 note cards to replace too small 3x5 note cards. Transfer important notes to new, bigger note cards. Practice speech again. Realize I need to change some things on the note cards. Write new cards once again. For the first time, start to feel like I just might have a chance at passing Public Speaking Competence.

Eat a very very quick dinner with MusicMan and go to English class. Starting to hate English class. The class is called “Research Writing in the Disciplines,” hinting that it’s a writing class, however we seem to spend a large amount of time analyzing what we’ve read (in small groups of course) and pulling quotes from the book. To me, this is a waste of time, and I do not have time to waste. Assignment: read 117 pages from book and write 2-4 page draft of first essay…BEFORE THURSDAY! Truly hate English class and instructor now. Realize instructor is obviously bat shit crazy. Try not to cry, scream, or lose my shit, which is hard to do when exhaustion set in long ago.

Go home and practice speech. MusicMan listens attentively and is very encouraging about how great speech is. End at 11 minutes 56 seconds—just under the wire. Go to bed too exhausted to care. Stress is at an all time high. Decide—worst case—I’ll fail the competence tomorrow, losing money I would lose anyway if I don’t show, and I’ll have to pay and find time to take the class. There is no way I’ll have the fortitude to attempt the competency again if I fail, making the only option squeezing the actual class into my already packed schedule of classes I have left to take to complete my associate’s degree.

Wednesday, July 14: Read through lunch. Get less than half of English reading assignment done. Contemplate just skipping the rest, and remember there are quizzes on the reading. Ponder how I’ll finish it on time and wish horrible illness upon instructor. Experience odd sensation of driving home after work rather than directly to school. Have dinner with MusicMan. Drive to campus to give speech. Think about how sick I am of being on campus. Listen to a few dismal speeches, and start to think mine might not be so bad. Go up to give speech…

Nerves set in, even though audience contains only seven people (including instructor). Start speech. Totally skip over thesis statement. SHIT! Panic when I realize this, but keep going. Feel like I’m flying through it—almost can’t catch my breath. Finish speech. 14 minutes!!! OMG—How did that happen?! Think, “Well, better to be over then under.” Nothing I can do about it now. It’s done. Almost cry when I actually realize that it is, in fact, done. Pray that I passed it. Listen to final two speeches. Hear instructor say, “You all passed this part of THE competency…full results will be sent to you in 4-6 weeks.”

Think: “WOOOOOOOHOOOOO!”

Then: “What the hell?!?! WHY did I work so hard, and stress so much, over this when, apparently, one just needed to show up and speak to pass?!?” Seriously! There were people who just stood up and read their outlines, with no visual aids in site. There was one woman whose speech I couldn’t explain to you if I tried, because I could not for the life of me understand what her subject was or what the fuck she was talking about. Apparently I was the only one who read all of the guidelines and tried my hardest to meet them all.

Drive home relieved that it’s over, but pissed off that I worked so hard when it was quite obvious that the six other people there didn’t. Also realize that I took 10 credits this summer, which is just 2 credits short of full time student status. Wonder what in the hell I was thinking.

Arrive home. MusicMan consoles me with, “At least it’s over. Your hard work will pay off in the form of a higher letter grade equivalent than what the others will get.” Think about how lucky I am to have such a great husband. Go to bed completely spent, but with a profound sense of relief that the speech is finally over.

Thursday, July 15: Finish English reading during lunchtime at work. Curse instructor once again. Tell boss I’ll need to use an hour of the afternoon writing a paper for class and that I’ll make it up by working through lunch on Friday. He gives the okay. (What else can he do, really? The alternative was that I was going to leave work early to go home and work on the paper.) Pound out a ridiculously bad draft. Head to class.

Nearly leave class an hour in, because I’m so frustrated over how much time we’re wasting once again analyzing the book and pulling quotes instead of actually reviewing each other’s papers and getting info on how instructor will grade papers. Commiserate with classmates during break—glad to find out I’m not the only one who thinks this class is getting ridiculous and instructor is bat shit crazy with a capital C. Head home from class 15 minutes late, because instructor only gave us 4 minutes to review each other’s papers, so many of us stayed late to get it done. Curse instructor and class. Realize there are only three weeks (6 classes) left, and that if I’ve made it through the past two weeks, I can make it through this.

Arrive home. Have hard time settling down, because I’m so worked up. Feel as though I should be doing something, because I’m so used to being in constant motion at this point. Go to bed thoroughly exhausted, wishing it was Friday.

So, that’s it, lovely reader! I somehow made it through. I’m not thrilled about having to take two days off of work to do it, but there was no way I would’ve gotten everything done if I hadn’t. I never could’ve anticipated, at the time I registered for classes, just how overwhelming these two weeks would’ve been. I hope to never have to deal with similar circumstances ever again. I still can’t believe it’s over, and I survived relatively unscathed. It's going to take me a while to de-stress though...I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something or that there's something I really should be working on. It's amazing how much of a weight that speech was on my shoulders.

This weekend, I have to catch up on reading three chapters of the Lifetime Fitness textbook to prepare for the exam next week. Thankfully, the class ends Thursday. (I'm hoping the instructor opens the exam sometime before Thursday, or I'll have to take it during lunch at work or after I get home from English class.) Then, of course, I have 119 pages to read for English class. Finally, I have to write the final copy of my first essay, which is due Tuesday.

I have missed you, lovely reader. I’m so glad to be back! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you sooooooooo much for the fabulous comments you’ve left and emails you’ve sent giving me support and letting me know you’ve been thinking of me. You all really helped me to get through these past couple weeks, and for that I am endlessly thankful. You all are seriously the best!!! I am working on catching up on your blogs and responding to your emails. I will eventually get through it all. Thanks again, lovely readers, for being so freakin' fantastic! I pink puffy heart looooove each and every one of you!

L for Let the Crazy Begin!

First things first, lovely reader. I earned an A on my Sociology midterm!!! I am super duper proud of myself. As you know, I wasn’t sure I did all that well on it (partially because it was my first experience with blue book exams). Remember how I was concerned that the instructor would think I was bullshitting her? Well, apparently she didn’t see it that way at all. In fact, in some of the areas I thought I bullshitted the most, she wrote things like “Exactly!” “Yes! Yes! Yes!” “Absolutely!” and “Perfect!” This means I’m getting an A in the class, so hopefully I have a little leeway for the group project, which I don’t think is gonna be great (or even good). Then again, I have been accused of being a pessimist, so I could be totally wrong.

This weekend marks the beginning of the two busiest weeks of my summer. While I would like to be able to say that I’ll spend the long holiday weekend resting and relaxing in order to prepare myself for the hectic schedule ahead, that’s simply not true. I will be spending the weekend finishing the work for the Public Speaking Competency; the writing of the speech in particular. I’m down to the wire now. I’ve put myself in this situation in which I now simply have to force myself to get it done. As long as I pass this competency, I’ll be happy at this point. I just want it done.

Here’s what the next two weeks looks like:

Monday, July 5: The speech project will be done or nearly done. (Hopefully time for a little rest and relaxation?)

Tuesday, July 6: English class starts. This writing intensive course marks the beginning of five weeks of large, time consuming writing assignments.

Wednesday, July 7: Sociology final. (Hopefully I'll do as well as I did on the midterm!) I'm hoping my group will gather after the exam to practice our presentation. There are some group members who seem to think we should meet an hour before class while others of us would prefer to spend that time studying for the final. We’ll see how it plays out.

Thursday, July 8: English class. Cross fingers, wish, hope, and pray that there’s no assignment for at least another week.

Friday, July 9: Catch up on Lifetime Fitness reading and homework. Work on inevitable English homework.

Saturday, July 10: Tie up any loose ends that remain for the Public Speaking Competency. Work on first writing assignment for English. (I just know the first one will have been assigned by now.) Attend cousin’s wedding from late afternoon on, calling it an early night in order to get home and back to working on homework.

Sunday, July 11: Practicing speech. (I hope.) Work on English assignment. Practice for Sociology group presentation.

Monday, July 12: Last day of Sociology class! Group presentation.

Tuesday, July 13: English Class.

Wednesday, July 14: SPEECH!

Thursday, July 15: English Class.

Friday, July 16: Catch up on Lifetime Fitness reading and homework. Begin new English assignment. Celebrate that the two weeks of complete and utter craziness are over. Begin worrying about results of Public Speaking Competency. Work to reconnect with MusicMan, because I will not have seen or spent hardly any quality time with him the whole week.

It’s times like these when I really start questioning what I’ve done. What have I gotten myself into? Do I really have what it takes to do this for three more years?! Then, of course, I remind myself that this will all be worth it in the end. Then, I wonder if social work is really the right path for me; it’s hard work with not much monetary payoff, there’s a quick burnout rate, and sometimes I think I hate people too much to want to try to help them. Then, I spend about a millisecond thinking about quitting it all and taking my life back. Then, I remind myself that this will all be worth it in the end.

It hasn’t even started yet, but I’m already exhausted!! I’ll get through it. Somehow...someway...I will get through it.

Hopefully with most of my sanity still intact!

I’m working on a couple posts that I’m going to try to complete and schedule for the time that I’m away. At the very least, there should be Wayback Wednesday posts both weeks. I’m also working on passing along some blog awards that a couple of my wonderful readers have passed along to me.

For my American readers, I hope you have a wonderful (and safe) holiday weekend!! (Of course, I hope my non-American readers also have a fantastic weekend!)

P for Progress

Well, lovely reader, I survived the Sociology midterm. Now, I eagerly await the results. I’m really hoping I earned an A, though I doubt it, so I’m hoping for a B at the very least. I studied hard and really thought I knew my shit, but as soon as I started writing my exam answers, I blanked out on some very important stuff.

You’ll probably remember that Sociology exams are blue book exams. This was my first experience with blue book style exams, and I’ve gotta say I’m not a fan. Not at all. First of all, they take a really long time to complete. Secondly, there’s no way to gauge how well you might have done. At least when you take a “normal” exam with multiple choice, true/false, and short answer type questions, you can kind of gauge how well you did based on how many answers you know you got wrong and how many you think you could possibly have gotten wrong.

All of that to say I have absolutely no clue how well I did on this exam, because I have no clue how the instructor is going to grade it! I hate having absolutely no idea or inkling as to how it’s going to turn out. I tried my best, and all I can do now is hope that my best was good enough. It would be a real bitch if this class were the one that ended up dethroning me from the kingdom of 4.0 GPA land! (And it would look especially bad considering that I’m planning on going into social work.)

The exam was broken out into three sections:

Section 1 was about Marx’s Dialectical Materialism versus Hegel’s Dialectical Idealism. There were three questions, each with multiple parts, and we had to select two to answer. The only thing I really got hung up on was the difference between the two theories, which isn’t exactly a small detail to forget. However, I could not for the life of me remember the distinct difference between the two. I’m the type who talks (or in this case, writes) as I think, so I hope that the instructor doesn’t think I was bullshitting her with my incorrect answer, because the consequences of that could be dire (more on that later).

Section 2 was about C. Wright Mills’ Six Classes. There were two questions in this section, and we had to choose one to answer. I had a good handle on what the classes were—Capitalist, Upper Middle Class, Lower Middle Class, Working Class, Working Poor, and Under Class (your welcome for that little piece of knowledge, lovely reader)—and the distinctions between them. I floundered a bit on Mills’ definition of “white collar worker” and why it’s so hard to determine who/what a white collar worker is.

Section 3 listed fourteen terms from Karl Marx’s theory, and we had to choose twelve to define using examples of scenes from a movie we’d watched in class. I had no trouble with this section. In fact, these answers were the only ones I was 100% confident of.

I finished the exam in about an hour and a half, which was nice, because I arrived home about an hour and a half earlier than usual. I’m so glad that this marks the halfway point for Sociology, because I just want to be done. I do have to say that the instructor has definitely grown on me though. She's a total badass.

As she was telling us what to do to prepare for the test and what we could expect in terms of the layout, she told us one of the most important things we needed to know: “DON’T BULLSHIT ME, GUYS!! These exams are a lot of work for me! A LOT OF WORK! I have to read through all of these exams, deciphering your writing and trying to follow your thought process all the way through. It takes me a lot of time, so don’t try to bullshit me!!! It’s a waste of your time and my time if you bullshit me! I don’t like my time being wasted; it pisses me off! You don’t want me pissed off while I’m correcting your exam! I’ll respect you a lot more if you write, ‘I cannot fully answer this question, because I forgot A, B, C.’ than if you try to bullshit me!” Yeah. So that’s why I’m hoping she doesn’t think I was trying to bullshit her.

I’ve completed the last paper I’ll ever have to do for Sociology, so now all that’s left for homework is group work. I’ve tried to get my group to change our topic for this project, because I still fail to see how sex addicts are discriminated against, but my attempts to enact change have been in vain. I will give my full effort and participation to the project, and that's about all I can do at this point!

I’ve completed my fitness plan for Lifetime Fitness class, which is one of the bigger projects I had to get done. I think I did a really good job on it; I hope my instructor feels the same way. He gave us little to go on in terms of measurable guidelines and examples, so hopefully I gave him what he’s looking for. I plan on taking the midterm for that class tomorrow. I’m really not sure how to study for it, but I’m going to assume that I have the knowledge I need to take this test, because I’ve read all of the assigned chapters of the textbook. Because the test is online, I should be able to refer to the book for help answering any questions I get hung up on. I believe the test is timed though, so I won’t be able to look up every single question. Hopefully I know what I need to know!

I thought I would be buried in a mountain of homework this weekend, but I’ve made good progress this week and this evening! All I have left to do is a fitness lab, which I’ll complete at the gym tomorrow, and my biweekly fitness log, which I’ll turn in on Sunday. Then, I have to do some research for the Sociology project.

I’m going to finish up my competency narrative for Public Speaking tomorrow, and I’m finally going to start writing my speech. I’ve found some good research, and I’ve narrowed down the direction I want to go in, so I’m hoping to get the speech together relatively quickly. I’m feeling a lot more positive about this than I was a couple weeks ago, which is very good, because I only have 18 days left to complete the written stuff (competency narrative and speech outline), prepare my visual aids, and practice my speech! I’m going to be sooooooo relieved with this is finally over!