tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post5219004904901395827..comments2023-04-02T19:29:09.869-05:00Comments on "A" for Effort ("B" for Blog): R for RaaaaaaaagggggggeeeeeeeeEllehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06029614712855760844noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-47640047838954035262011-01-19T13:58:26.890-06:002011-01-19T13:58:26.890-06:00Shana, thanks so much for your kind, encouraging, ...Shana, thanks so much for your kind, encouraging, and eloquent words! You are so incredible--much of what you said is absolutely correct. It can get hard trying to balance my grief and my feeling surrounding my sister's death with my mother's constant need for attention. Unfortunately, I've grown used to it, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't seriously irritate me every once in a while.<br /><br />I'm really hoping my nephew grows up an inspiration rather than a victim. MusicMan and I will do everything we can to make sure that's the way his story turns out.<br /><br />The bonfire went very, very well, and Christmas was excellent. It's funny how things have a way of working out. Hopefully more on that soon.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-54125204580181959012011-01-19T13:54:28.020-06:002011-01-19T13:54:28.020-06:00Very true, Grace, and thank you.Very true, Grace, and thank you.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-71992565364544354022011-01-19T13:54:10.342-06:002011-01-19T13:54:10.342-06:00LOL! Frustration works just fine, Rachel, even tho...LOL! Frustration works just fine, Rachel, even though it does feel a little too mild at times! :-) I don't get the spotlight grabbing either...that's so not me.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-74816903689704235162011-01-19T13:53:25.489-06:002011-01-19T13:53:25.489-06:00Thanks, Carol! Unfortunately, being done with my m...Thanks, Carol! Unfortunately, being done with my mother and her partner is easier said than done. However, Christmas did turn out really good.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-87254750114203580492010-12-29T12:54:13.204-06:002010-12-29T12:54:13.204-06:00I'm sorry it's taken me so long to comment...I'm sorry it's taken me so long to comment on this, but I wanted to read it when I could give it my full attention. <br /><br />I'm not even sure what to say. All I seem to be able to do is shake my head. <br /><br />Some people are assholes. Some people also seem to have been born with an innate sense of entitlement and the belief that the world owes them something. You, my dear, seem to have that all rolled into one in your mother. <br /><br />It's a shame that she's acting this way. What happened to your sister was a horrific tradgedy. You should all be helping each other to deal with it and remember to celebrate her life, instead of perpetually mourn her death. Instead, you have to deal with your grief all on your own while dealing with your crazy mother and her need for attention. I'm so sorry. <br /><br />You are right about your nephew. Probably the only bright spot in this whole situation is that your nephew was so young when your sister was killed. He probably didn't even fully understand what was happening. The opportunity is there to shape this experience for him. Like you said...he should grow up as an inspiration, not a victim. I really hope that you are able to do that even with your mom trying to turn it around on you.<br /><br />I hope the bonfire event went ok and that you were able to stay and enjoy it. I also hope your Christmas was a good one.Shanahttp://www.fumblingtowardsnormalcy.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-47657125216124908262010-12-19T13:16:39.305-06:002010-12-19T13:16:39.305-06:00Oh, wow. I'm so very sorry. It's nearly ...Oh, wow. I'm so very sorry. It's nearly impossible to recover from your sister's death when your mom continues to pick at the scab.Gracenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-20342721649581747242010-12-19T11:22:16.700-06:002010-12-19T11:22:16.700-06:00So sorry- some people never change, no matter how ...So sorry- some people never change, no matter how much we want them to. Hang in there.. Hi~ I am your newest follower from the LBSTP & would love it if you stopped by and returned the love :)<br /><br />http://waveoflifesurfstudio.blogspot.com/Kellyhttp://waveoflifesurfstudio.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-79099633299935743972010-12-18T12:12:29.541-06:002010-12-18T12:12:29.541-06:00I'm so sorry, I know you've had frustratio...I'm so sorry, I know you've had frustrations (too mild a word?!) with them before. I never understand why people want to be in the spotlight :(rachelcotterillnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-65977620481973546592010-12-18T11:12:34.242-06:002010-12-18T11:12:34.242-06:00Hi! I know I don't know you personally but I t...Hi! I know I don't know you personally but I think I can certainly relate to alot of what you feel here. There are some similarities between you and I. Firstly I am truly sorry to hear about your sister. I can't even begin to imagine your pain. Secondly, because of my own personal experiences I'm going to say that I think you should not let your mother or her partner upset you any more. It will drag you down. Sometimes if you take the lead and say 'That's it. I'm done with you' the other person in time will realise their errors. Far be it for me to tell you what to do but you need to focus on youand your family first. Whatever you decide to do I hope that Christmas is a good time for you.Carol Wyerhttp://twitter.com/cewyernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-89756156655917242162010-12-18T09:59:05.043-06:002010-12-18T09:59:05.043-06:00Thanks, Joan! I think you're absolutely right ...Thanks, Joan! I think you're absolutely right about the guilt. I can't imagine the guilt she carries, and I think playing the perpetually distraught mother allows her to conceal and ignore that guilt. She needs mental health help to deal with her guilt and grief, but that will likely never happen.<br /><br />Hugs right back to you! Thanks for the support.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-85865971520130222912010-12-17T18:43:39.955-06:002010-12-17T18:43:39.955-06:00OMG, this is just terrible! First off, let me tel...OMG, this is just terrible! First off, let me tell you how sorry I am about your sister. What an awful, horrible thing to happen, and the fact that it was at Christmastime makes it 100 times worse. I'm so very, very sorry. I can absolutely understand your supreme frustration with your Mom. Man, what a drag! My guess is she's carrying around a boatload of guilt and hasn't the first clue how to deal with it. Hugs, my friend!anything fits a naked mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-9344548007182554622010-12-16T19:00:12.402-06:002010-12-16T19:00:12.402-06:00Very good point, Kamila! She's definitely grow...Very good point, Kamila! She's definitely grown older, but she most certainly hasn't grown up.<br /><br />I agree that she's totally disrespecting my sister with her antics, and that's what really, really gets to me. That is truly why I'm so upset.<br /><br />Thanks for your support. As I told Margaret above, Musicman and I are considering what we need to do to get custody of my nephew.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-4187449059686605712010-12-16T18:58:46.434-06:002010-12-16T18:58:46.434-06:00Totally agree with you, Margaret. Thanks for the s...Totally agree with you, Margaret. Thanks for the support. Sadly, I think the only way we're ever going to get custody of my nephew is forcibly--as in taking my mom to court over it. And we are considering that.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-4084070940752370692010-12-16T18:57:57.857-06:002010-12-16T18:57:57.857-06:00Thank you!Thank you!Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-45025208678173124592010-12-16T18:57:51.709-06:002010-12-16T18:57:51.709-06:00Thanks for your support and input, Kathie. I am wr...Thanks for your support and input, Kathie. I am wrapping the gifts, and I've made it clear to her that I expect to see them all when I arrive on Christmas day. I'm hoping even my mom has limits for how horrible she'll be and that she won't even think about returning gifts meant for my nephew! <br /><br />Of course, uncle and I are getting him the really big ticket item on his list--from US...just to be spiteful. ;-)Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-72985996505577284432010-12-16T18:55:46.211-06:002010-12-16T18:55:46.211-06:00Thanks so much, girl. I'm so thankful for the ...Thanks so much, girl. I'm so thankful for the blog. I truly think without it I WOULD be insane by now---or I would've gone postal or something. I appreciate your support.Ellehttp://aforeffortbfor.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-56400875671296178462010-12-16T18:47:41.811-06:002010-12-16T18:47:41.811-06:00What the hell is your mother thinking? That's ...What the hell is your mother thinking? That's really an evidence that as people can grow old.. but it's different from growing up..<br /><br />she disrespect your sister death at all angle... good thing you can vent it all out here at your blog...<br /><br />hope everything get's well.. and I'm hoping that your nephew can get his life out of there... I'm concern of the child... hope everything get's better....kamilahttp://basketdreams.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-72732526621015931262010-12-16T15:00:55.044-06:002010-12-16T15:00:55.044-06:00Wow I like you can't understand how your mom c...Wow I like you can't understand how your mom can act like that. I would fight your mom for your nephew because she doesn't deserve him at all!!!!Margarethttp://margarettidwell.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-52299798182473470692010-12-16T14:43:57.028-06:002010-12-16T14:43:57.028-06:00and I really hope things do get better!and I really hope things do get better!Kathienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-4081515526763483782010-12-16T14:43:35.774-06:002010-12-16T14:43:35.774-06:00I'm so sorry Elle. You'll just drive your...I'm so sorry Elle. You'll just drive yourself crazy trying to figure out how your mother can be that way. I've learned from experience that trying to understand why people do anything they do or think what they think only leads to me being miserable. I wouldn't trust her with the gifts to your nephew, she might return them to the store to get money! I hate to say that, but I feel so bad for you. If I were you, I'd wrap your nephew's gift yourselves and give them directly to him whenever the family gets together for Christmas. I doubt he'll ask why you're giving them to him, all he'll care about is getting some gifts :-)Kathienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7402354063686528268.post-14637382421591458142010-12-16T13:30:22.158-06:002010-12-16T13:30:22.158-06:00Whoa, that is intense. I'm glad you have this...Whoa, that is intense. I'm glad you have this blog as an outlet b/c I was would be insane if any of that was happening to me. I hope things get better for you.JMJEnoreply@blogger.com